I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
