Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
