Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
