oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
