i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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