I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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