singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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