On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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