oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If I die, sorry about rent.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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