They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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