Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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