What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
