It's Friday. Sex?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
