I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize