btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
