Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
