I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
