No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
being pregnant is like rehab
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
