I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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