I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
