I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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