New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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