Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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