I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
