When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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