So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
