you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You need Xanax blowdarts
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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