I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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