Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
