Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
