Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
