if i can run in heels then i can drive
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
