ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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