We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize