I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize