There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
