Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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