i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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