It's Friday. Sex?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize