I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You are a genius and a whore.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
