he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
