Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
