Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
