I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
