i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
