How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
