you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
