omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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