Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
