Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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