dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
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It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
