Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
4 words: hood of his car
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
