I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
