You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
