I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
