Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My cat gives me a boner
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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