I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So here I am, sexting at work.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
