All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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