I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
