Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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