well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
